9/26/25-Real Questions
“My father left me with a huge question mark plastered on my chest—Am I a man? Do I have what it takes? Like so many men, I took that question to the woman, and it sabotaged the lover’s heart in me. How can you freely and strongly offer love when you are desperate and frightened in a search to get love?”
Excerpt From
Fathered by God
Chapter 6-Lover
By John Eldredge
{I don’t know many men, or women for that matter, who can honestly say they have what it takes. The messages from the world—and from hurting people—constantly tell us we aren’t enough. And when we believe that lie, we have nothing to give. Instead of lifting others up, we find ourselves stuck in the mire with them. Matters only worsen when, in our own emptiness, we end up dragging others down, which drags us further down too. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy—a downward spiral leading to spiritual, mental, and emotional death. Yuck!
We are not called to live that way. But unless we ourselves truly believe and know that we are enough—that we do have what it takes—we will continue repeating the cycle. And let’s be clear: this is not about shallow affirmations. No person can convince us that we are enough. Chasing that validation in the world—especially through relationships or intimacy—will always leave us empty. The only way forward is to fix our eyes on God’s Truth about us and refuse to look away, no matter how uncomfortable it feels. The discomfort itself is an invitation—an opportunity to ask why His Truth unsettles us and what lies we have believed instead.
This is why I love steps 4 and 5 of recovery. They tear away the lies we’ve lived under, and as those lies fall apart, God’s Truth shines all the brighter. I often say we come to know who God is by discovering who He is not.
And who He is not is clear: God is not the voice that says we are not enough. That voice—the enemy, addiction, the devil, “Earl,” or whatever else you want to call it—exists only to destroy us. Any voice claiming that at our core we don’t measure up is the enemy of our souls. But when we discover who God is, and who we are in Him, we finally have a message worth sharing. We can lift others up because we have been lifted up—and continue to be lifted up—by Him. The old saying, “you cannot share what you do not have,” turns out to be not fluff, but a deep spiritual truth.
So we must take our deepest questions—not to the world, not to people—but directly to God, our Maker. Just like you’d look to the manufacturer for answers about a product, the Creator alone has the truth about us. Bring Him your questions, comments, even your complaints. Sit still long enough for His reply. And when He answers, choose to believe—and if you wrestle with it, bring the next question back to Him again.
We have to stop taking God-sized questions to people who are not God. Their answers will always leave us wondering: Am I enough? Do I have what it takes? But His answer is the only one that stands—and His answer is never “no.”}